Jake, my youngest, had a dentist appointment this morning. He's had a tooth that's been bothering him and I we thought he was going to have it capped. When the dentist looked at it again he decided it should be pulled. They adjusted my bill and handed me the estimate. I can not tell you the defeat that washed over me when I saw the amount due today.
I went back to my chair and stared at the number $555.45 was written large and circled in the top right hand corner. My heart had sunk for my baby boy and I sat and blamed myself. My imagination had him kicking and screaming under the doctors bright light like in the movies. I went to the bathroom and stood in front of the mirror trying not to get sick and holding back tears. My head was saying...Bad Mom, Bad Mom, Bad Mom. I went back out to the lobby to wait...and wait...and worry...and wait. I prayed and asked for prayer that God do something about this. I wasn't prepare to spend $555.45 today. That kind of money hurts. I also wasn't prepared for my baby to lose a tooth today either. That hurt too. So, I quietly quoted...
I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. Philippians 4:11
Like a flood I felt peaceful. It is nothing short of a miracle. I shrugged my shoulders and I will pay what I can and Jake will be okay, there are children going through much worse than him. I started thinking about the world content and that was when I wished I'd had my computer to journal.
In the "job" I have now it provides for us. I make what I did teaching and I get to stay home with my kids. I had just told my husband maybe I can get another JOB and do both so we can have MORE. After saying that verse out loud my heart started to say otherwise. See, in the "job" I have now we are encouraged to dream.
Dreaming is a good thing. We tell people all the time to "reach for the stars". We know they won't actually touch a star but it's the dreaming of what we can achieve that moves us forward. God put those stars in the sky so that we would know Him, seek Him and find contentment.
I think in today's society we are brought up to want "more", to have "more" and to never be satisfied. Instead what if we flipped that mindset and became content so that when we do have "more" we are more satisfied than ever. We are always looking for something else, something more, and we never feel sufficient enough. It's hard to enjoy life like that.
Lately I have become more and more away of others discontentment. Our clothes should be from this vendor and we should be wearing this trend. We want a bigger house for more stuff, we want a house if we life in an apartment. If you are single, get married. The list could go on and on. Eventually we are tired and bitter because we are not satisfied.
I want to be that woman that people know as being content. For the last few days I have been trying to pinpoint what God wants me to work on and today, sitting in that lobby, waiting for more bad news, or worrying for no reason, God sent a sweet angel to wrap his arms around me and give me peace.
If Paul can be content in all his trials and struggles then surely I can be content from this moment forward. If Paul can do it, I can. He learned and realized he needed change. He worked on it and honed the skill of contentment. He practiced it and taught others. If Paul can do that, then I can.
I hear so often..."I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." and that's great but I think sometimes we miss the verses before that one.
"I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know both how to have a little, and I know how to have a lot. In any and all circumstances I have learned the secret of being content --whether well fed or hungry, whether in abundance or in need. I am able to do all things through Him who strengthens me." Philippians 4:11-13
The more each day that I believe God's grace is sufficient, the more convinced I am that I will always have everything I need. Whatever He has given me or not given me, he did so with a purpose. That makes me smile. God is has already given us enough and He always well. As my purpose in this world expands to suit His desire for my life, my need will be met accordingly. As for the things I would like to have and don't, I need to be content in knowing that there is a reason.
My Jake is resting, no pulled tooth & super loopy; and now I get to spend this time reflecting and maybe even start a list somewhere of the things God has already provided so that I can praise Him for what he has done and will do.