I found the below post today, unpublished. It was written in August of 2012. It made me cry like a baby. I'm so thankful I don't have to miss my babies anymore. I like my occasional hour or so of peace but I don't have to miss them anymore. Thank you Lord.
I have given you all fair warning that I have become obsessed with talking about running...so this is just fair warning again that I'm going to talk about it. LOL Actually, there were so many things on my mind this morning that I wished I'd had time to write them all day after I returned home from running.
Something about running starts to spark my mind. I think now that I am comfortable with my own pace, I am now able to let my thoughts just flow. I became quite emotional towards the end of my run, I was trying to hold back tears. And know not because I thought I was going to die after 5 miles.
I miss my babies...
I went back to work for the school year last Thursday and while I love my job so much that I send far too many hours devoted to it daily, I realized this morning that I am really going to miss my boys.
They are my babies.
They are all going to be in school this year together. This is the first and only year that they will all be at the same school. They will all ride the same bus together and big brother will be able to guide the little brothers. I am loving that part. The part that gets me all worked up is the part that they are all old enough to be in school. I no longer have to worry about breastfeeding, diapers, strollers, high chairs or pack and plays. No, I have to worry about homework, tennis shoes, clean undies,
straight teeth and super cool haircuts.
I am going to be gone before they get up in the mornings most likely and hopefully, home shortly after they get off this bus...God Willing!
I miss them already.
On the bright side, I have made the real choice to live a healthier life so that I may spend many more years with my babies...boys.
I have a new strength...
When the glory goes up, the blessings come down.
I believe that to be true.
I tend to amaze myself lately with the things I have been able to do physically.
In doing so, I always have to step back and think, now how am I able to do all I have done.
Some say it is will power and the human spirit.
I say, it is more than that. I know that I can not depend on myself for follow through.
I have to depend on God.
When I run, I find myself in awe of the things He is helping me to do. He lifts me up when I am down and pushes me on when I think I can not go further and the ways in which He does so are subtle and noticed only by me.
I do NOT serve a God of hate as some have said in recently media circles.
I serve a God who wants the best for me because of His amazing grace and love.
I have to be willing to go after some of His blessings and others I only have to accept them.
He puts me through trials to strengthen me!
I have the strength to run a 10k several times a week while still trying to lose weight. (being over 100 pounds too heavy)
My heart is stronger, my body is stronger but most of all my spirit is stronger.
It is like nothing I have ever known.
He gives me strength!
All this talk about needing to lose weight.
I really need to focus on what I need to gain some of.
Because I have lost weight and inches I think that maybe I have gained some youth. I feel more spark and energy. It is hard for me to believe I am considered in my mid-thirties. I feel renewed in so many ways.
One other gain is how happy I feel most days. Sure I have my tearful moments but my happiness feels youthful.
Then, there is my husband.
I love him!
My high school sweet heart.
I love him!