As I’m laying awake in bed tonight, unable to sleep, I thought I’d take a minute and write down a dream I had recently that had been an eye opener for me...
A few mornings ago I was able to sleep in a little later than usual. That usually means I’m dreaming something vivid. This morning was no exception.
In in my dream I am still living at home with my parents. I could not figure out why I was back home in the house I grew up in. I kept thinking, “Aimee, you are 41 years old. Why are you still with your mom and dad?” It just didn’t make sense. Nothing made sense and I was completely frustrated.
Then, suddenly I would remember that indeed I had spent the last precious 16 years in my own house. Oh. And yes, I had a husband and children. Then for a brief second I would remember my life like a flash.
As as quick as the memories came, they left and I again was wondering why I was still living with my mom and dad.
This went on and on in my dream and it would break my heart every time I would remember my actual life, It was the most frustrating feeling. I was so upset and angry at the situation. It eventually occurred to me that I actually wasn’t living with mom and dad again but that I was living somewhere unfamiliar. I was never in my reality long enough to explain to anyone what I was experiencing.
When I woke up from this dream my heart ached. I called James and told him to which he replied “you have dreams like that often. They’re sort of reoccurring. The same theme but not exactly.”
Maybe I’m projecting some of this on myself when I talk about how forgetful I am concerning details of my life. Maybe it comes from how sometimes I can’t say in front of others what I really want to say, it never comes out right. Maybe deep down that’s the thing I’m worried about later in life. Forgetting. Feeling lost.
What I did realize in all of this... I am sure that this is how demntia must feel. I feel like I’ve been given a view inside the mind of someone who suffers from this awful phychosis. I could feel it in my soul, the suffering of not being able to make sense of this life.
What does one do with this new knowledge? I can’t seem to shake that this is prophetic in some way either concerning someone I know or myself someday. Whatever the reason it’s a reminder to be kind to those you know who suffer. Be compassionate and understanding. We can’t tell but their hearts are breaking and their minds are not on board with reality much any more.