As I sit here in my bed tonight I have a bazillion thoughts running through my head. Slowly, the thoughts are slowing down so I can focus on just one. My night as been wild so far...
The husband snores while I'm putting 2 of my own kids plus 2 nephews in the bed. They were like popcorn tonight. After cleaning their rooms I put them 2 to a bed I handed the oldest of each a book and told them to read...well, still I kept hearing feet pound the floor as one or two little superheroes came bounding off the bed. The solution tonight was LIGHTS OUT and cracked bedroom windows so they can listen for the wildlife. That worked! Praise the Lord and in the mean time of I managed to tackle a few tasks other than getting them to lay still. I'm so tired!!!
Eventually, I ran a hot bath and as I slid down in the perfectly hot water I closed my eyes and my tired body appreciated the comfort but as always I am almost self conscious in front of my own self. Today I was exhausted mostly from lack of sleep. I stayed with my Granny all night the night before and didn't sleep a wink. I spent hours cleaning house for her before crashing on her couch. It was a miserable old couch to try to sleep on but I wanted to be next to her in her recliner. She didn't sleep either.
While I was thinking how odd it really is that I'm so self conscious of my body my mind went straight to my grandmother. She can no longer drive herself...she hasn't in years. Lately she can barely get around on her own but we encourage her to try. She's had some procedures and new medication to help with how tired she is and they seem to be working for her. I thought about how much she has become dependent on her children and grandchildren lately. It's okay. We want to help. I just can't imagine getting to that point where I would need my boys and grand children to do everything for me.
I thought of my grandmothers tired body...her vessel and I imagined the soul inside and how it is aching to get out. Eventually my body will do the same. The aches and pains of this flesh and this life will become to great and I will be ready to move on to heaven.
Andy Andrews described it best for me in The Noticer Returns. He described the aches and pains and crossing over like being born. When we are in the womb we become uncomfortable and are ready to be born. When I was born I was greeted with love and open arms of family all around me. The same will be true of when I pass away on this earth. I will be greeted on the other side and I will have left this vessel which is tired and worn into a new "home, tent, mansion."
I didn't write this to plug a book. I simply have so much in my head regarding the "flesh" and how it constantly fails me. Not because it wants to but because it just does. Instead, I try to focus on staying healthy and serving others. There are many, many things I want to document when I read about our bodies, our flesh, and our new heavenly bodies. So, I figured I'd start somewhere.
I sometimes feel like I'm being led down a rabbit hole or an adventure into the unknown when I'm studying scriptures. As many times as I've read 2 Corinthians 5 about our heavenly homes, I had never thought of our homes as our bodies until one day in church I was reading a slip of paper I had written on years before that lead me to look up those verses in chapter 5. I remembered writing the words down on that slip of paper the last night I stayed with my grandfather. Jesus was SO present in that room with us that night. So many little details were alive and evident. He laid in the bed, his bod completely failing from head to toe and ready to make the cross over. I prayed and read scripture that night because I so badly wanted peace on what was about to happen. Losing him was hard but the peace I felt was from God.
That little slip of paper had written on it, "My papaw cried out that he wanted to "go home", we kept telling him he couldn't go home and in his drunken morphine stupor he cried. We were essentially telling him what he already knew...that he was going home! He was leaving this home and going into open arms to a place where he was cherished and loved more than he had ever known here. I had read 2 Corinthians 5 that night when I realized it wasn't his earthly home he wanted. There was NO comfort there. So, when I found that slip of paper, I went back there and studied more.
Could it be possible that the "many mansions" refer to our heavenly bodies. I mean, if we currently live in "tents" then how could our new bodies not be like mansions in comparison. In this "tent" we groan wanting to be clothed with our habitation from heaven. We groan with burdens not because we want to be without our tents but because there is something better waiting for us because we know as long as we are home in this body we are absent from Him.
So as our bodies groan and moan and we become weak in our flesh and our hearts begin to fail we will remember that in 1 Chronicles 16: 11 it says that we should "Seek the Lord and His strength; Seek His face evermore." In time these flesh tents, bodies that we live in will on purpose and in good timing give out. We will then experience a new body like we could never imagine. One so perfect as to be called our "mansion".
When I closed my eyes early this morning for an additional hour of sleep because my eyes opened way to early something amazing happened, I dreamed. I dream all of the time but sometimes I have one of those dreams that will never leave me and haunt me until I understand it. My dream was one that made me move my feet when I got up this morning so that I could clear my head and focus on a task I was meant to do.
For about a month and a half I have had adoption application papers in a box, filed away neatly by my bed. I keep waiting for that peaceful moment when I can pull them out and begin chipping away at them. What was I thinking? That moment will just not come. God has really been speaking to me on this which is why I did the "He Speaks to Me" posts. I want people to know that I don't take this matter lightly and it is NO JOKE.
My business seems to wax and wain with the thoughts I put towards the adoption which is no surprise really, God needs me to trust Him on this. I put everything in a box, closed it up and went about life and in the mean time God has not been blessing me so much when it comes to my work. So, he heavily convicted me last week, every single day, and so Sunday morning I pulled the files out and put them in a bag to carry with me. God proved that He was waiting on me and we received a blessing, really multiple blessings. Now it's back out of the bag because this morning He put urgency behind my actions with my dream...
Imagine that you are in the middle of a situation where a young girl, teenager, comes to you and says...I CAN'T find my baby. The whole community starts looking and before the day was out you find the baby. In the woods, alone, crying, dirty, injured and when you pick her up she clings to you with all of her strength and with all of her might she holds on to you. She won't let go and you take her home, bathe her, change her dirty diaper, call the authorities, the doctors, and dress her. Imagine rocking her to sleep for the first peaceful rest and feeding she's had in who knows how long really and then laying her down to sleep. Then imagine that girl coming for her baby and all the while you know what happened, that she had discarded that baby girl and you will fight with everything in you to protect her. She was never wanted, never loved; and now she is. You are going to fight for her.
I feel like I've used the words "fight for your family" a few extra times today we talking to people. I don't believe this dream was by chance. I haven't watched TV, or had any conversations or seen anything remotely that would make me think it was out outside influence. This is His eternal influence.
So today, I found this little green file folder and it screamed...use me! So, I love that I can carry this around and keep it with me. May seem small but to me this is big and instead of waiting on that peaceful moment, I'm going to be writing on these papers and filling them out and reading the articles required and so much more because I will keep it on me even in all my chaos. So if you see my green folder with me, know that I am serious. I'm also personally in great prayer for the mother of this baby girl. Please be in prayer for her. I am asking for LOTS of prayers that God continue to move me forward in His Will, continue to bless our house, my family, my business so that I can stay focused on this task that He clearly is preparing us for.
Before now I have been in complete awe of people that say they can hear our Lord speak to them. Whenever people would say they could hear His Voice my head would cock a little to the side and I would wonder "how?". Then one day it happened. After asking for that experience and the desire or closeness, I found His Voice. It was subtle, clear, and could only be heard in the stillness and quietness of the moment I was in.
In order to hear His Voice I had to want to hear Him. I had a desire so deep inside me to hear my Father's Voice that I had begun to seek it. For days and days it seemed like I was trying to "unlock" a secret phone line to God. I wanted to be able to talk to Him and hear His Voice but what I found suddenly was that I heard Him.
I was laying in my bathtub one night trying to relax but was distressed about a few things. I can't even remember what they were now but I'll never forget when I became perfectly still and all the noise had faded away, then I heard Him. It was a small voice kind of like if you were to think thoughts to yourself. Only, it's not your voice. It's personal to you because He calls you by name, He begins to clear your mind and make the chaos go away in your head so that as He speaks, all the pieces come together. It always feels like He takes all the pieces, gifts, signs, words, everything and puts them together for me. What He reveals is a bigger picture. One I would not have thought of or seen had I not asked for Him to show me what He needs of me.
The day I first heard Him I was overjoyed, I had love flowing all through me, clarity, ideas, and excitement. The things He had placed in me, had spoken to me could only have come from Him. The next day a girlfriend came over and I shared with her what had happened. She felt it was absolutely necessary I call our pastor and share with Him. I did and I explained to Him that I had been wondering for a long time what it was like to hear Him speak. Once I found His Voice I had a desire for more.
The more I hear the more I desire to hear. There is so much to my spiritual journey and so many personal revelations that I may not remember them all. I believe with every ounce of me that is why He is calling me to write out everything He reveals. They are gifts but they are to be shared. They are not just for me, they are for all my sisters. I don't know what He wants to do with the revelations and writings but I have promised to do my best to reveal in such a way that it is clear. I want nothing more than each of my fellow Christians to be able to hear His Voice.
I no longer feel "weird" when I talk about how He speaks to me. I have found that it is more common that we realize. The more I surround myself with others that hear, the more I realize I am not alone and that it is something we all have a desire to experience. We can all experience it. Then again, it's okay if people think I'm weird.
He listens and...
My prayer for you my reader is that you find your still quite place and seek His face. I pray that you begin to see the things that are unseen and that God reveals to you the world through His lens.
There are times in our lives were we just give up, we throw our hands in the air and just fall to our knees. We realize that we can no longer handle everything on our own. We hurt because we can't handle everything but in our minds we must be strong and handle it all. You know that saying ..."God does not give us more than we an handle".. is true. He only gives us what we can handle and He handles the rest...if you let Him. Actually, if you let Him, our Father will handle it all.
About a month after my plea to God to step in and take care of my baby where I was not able so that I could stop worrying, James and I found out we were expecting baby number 2. We announced it quickly because of our excitement. Our wait had been SO long. While this baby was long over due in my books, I began to worry. I was put on bed rest to avoid the preterm labor and early arrival of this baby like I had my first. The entire time I was pregnant I prayed over my growing belly. I'd watch my belly move in the water of the bath and I'd cry out (literally) to God to protect Him. I did this almost daily. When that baby was born, God made it PERFECTLY clear that He had been in control the whole time, that he orchestrated his arrival and birth to be perfect, that his name was perfectly chosen and that was when I realized God was listening to me.
Soon after baby number 2, baby number 3 came along and I found myself a mother of three at home alone all of the time. I was more lonely then than I had ever been in my life. James and I had gone back to church when baby number 2 arrived but it was such a lonely place for me too. So, we stopped going again. Then one day God sent a friend to my door. She knocked and I opened and she said "I heard you had another baby?" It still floors me to this day that I was so lonely in my little life that my own friend didn't know. She wanted to buy some of my maternity clothes because she was pregnant too. I sold her two tubs for next to nothing because I knew I was done and she needed them. The most important conversation I had had with a friend happened that day when she asked "Are you going to church anywhere?" Usually, I would say really fast that I was a member of "This or That Church" but I was honest and said no. With excitement she invited me to hers and we went.
When we first walked into that church with a car load of boys we were welcomed and we were "fed". The Holy Spirit was there that day and my heart could not believe what it was feeling and my ears could not believe what they were hearing. The Spirit moved in that church but it would be a long time before the Spirit would baptize me. In the mean time of waiting on the Spirit the relationship with our Father began to grow.
I heard the preacher once say "God is speaking to me, I can hear Him." That was when I realized that I had never heard His Voice. I didn't know how to hear His Voice and I sure didn't know if it were possible for me to hear His Voice. I was sure that hearing the Voice of God was reserved for those educated in the Bible or those he had "chosen". There was no way it was for me too, it just couldn't be for me. Something in me wanted to be that close to God so...I asked if I could hear Him.
God was listening...
My prayer for you today is that if you can not hear Him speak, that you open your heart to the possibility that He needs you to hear Him. You are special and He has something special for you.
I haven't always been a seeker of my Fathers face. I have not always been a listener. I doubt my story is much different than many. It could be your story. You could be now, where I was...I was a prayer. I did pray but seeking His face and being a listener for His Voice puts you on a whole other playing field. For the next few days, I am going to share with you my personal journey. My prayer is that you will catch that you can become a seeker and a listener too.
I had a pastor friend from my childhood ask me before my husband and I were married, "How is your walk?" I stuttered for a second and then said, "I'm sorry, what do you mean?" He reply, "Your walk with Jesus, how is your walk?" My heart pounded and I turned red, my walk...what walk? I replied, "Oh, good. Its good!" With that response, he knew it was not good. He encouraged me to find a church home and to keep in touch and let him know more about my journey. We talked for a few minutes, he had to decline to come to Georgia from where ever he was then and marry us.
When I began to raise my family, I remember trying to take my babies and husband to church. I remember the struggle all to well. My sweat husband just did as I wanted and got ready for church, we got the baby ready and we went to the same church my grandmother and family had gone to for years. The baby would cry each time in the nursery so after a while we stopped going because knowing my baby was crying out weighed my desire to be in the church pew.
Years past and my husband and I had been trying for baby number 2. It was the longest I had ever tried for anything. My desire to have another baby was bigger than my desire to give up on all the treatments and disappointment. So, we kept trying. Eventually a night came in January where I laid out on my bed with the hottest tears in my eyes I think I'd ever had and I did something I had never done before. I gave my first baby back to God. We had never dedicated him to a church and that night I dedicated him back to God. It wasn't because I thought I should, it was simply because I felt so helpless trying to raise that sweat child of mine and I worried all the time. I worried about everything and even things that weren't things at all, things that would never happen but they were all in my head and I just could not worry anymore. My worry was becoming bigger than me, my desire to be a good mother out weighed my desire to do it alone. My prayer was...
"God I can not do it anymore! I think I will always be afraid of not being able to protect him from everything in this life. I have got to have You be in my place where I can not be. I need You God to step in be sufficient in this boys life where I am not. He is yours. You trusted me with Him but I can not do it alone."
even when you don't.
My prayer for you is that you give all your worry to Him. Even if you can't hear Him, he wants to take away what is burdening you and free you from that weight. If you can do that then He will take it and in doing so you will trust Him more and more. He is listening. He is waiting on you.
We all have them. We all wake up some mornings and just love our life and then as the day goes on it seems like our day falls completely apart. Before the day is even over you are full of questions and worry. Today, I loaded my boys up into the swagger wagon along with my nephews and drove the 12 miles to our church for VACATION BIBLE EXTREME (when I type it I hear an announcer like from WWF in my head, sorry). Our church VBX is always amazing and the kids LOVE going but this week I've had some slightly sick little boys on my hands. This morning, I thought they were all better as I drove to the church. When I pulled up my littlest Little said, "I don't feel so good." So, I dropped off the other Little's and headed back home with a little sickie. He asked for Sprite, chicken noodle soup, and I suggested a movie. It sounded like the perfect morning with my baby minus that he felt bad.
I popped in a movie, fixed a cup of Sprite, made chicken noodle, loaded my dishwasher, ran some clothes, sorted laundry, baked a chocolate lava cake (FOR REAL), and cooked some grilled chicken. I then sat down with him to watch movie number two when it happened...I went to check on my laundry that was supposed to have just finished washing and it was wet, heavy and wet. That couldn't be right. I was sure that it was supposed to be not so heavy and wet before going into the dryer. I loaded another load and realized something was off. It was washing before it filled with water. I messed around with it awhile until I thought maybe it would work, then my dryer started making a funny noise, loud and scary. I opened the door, it seemed to be working but when I went to start it, buzz, buzz, buzz and then nothing. The starter went kaput. I felt so defeated. Defeated seems to be a popular word in my vocabulary lately.
Okay, here's the kicker. I decided I need to run an errand before picking up my oldest from church. So, we left...defeated and all. I picked up Cooper and my husband called so I told him about my defeat. On the way home I started feeling just disgusted. We've been paying off debt, swearing off credit cards, and doing everything we know to do, that we've been taught to do by Dave Ramsey. I'm not sure that our emergency fund has been replenished...so I started worrying about that. If I can't dry clothes I will need a new dryer...I worried about that. What if the washer needs work because it won't spin the water out of our clothes...I worried about that. My business is slow this month...I worried about that. My husband called again..I gave him an ear full when he asked me if I had gotten everything done...I worried about that. Do you ever feel like your worry is pressing in on your chest so that it's hard to breathe and it's making your eyes cross? YES! That's how I felt on the drive back home as my oldest son told me he needed to go to the doctor because of a bump on his shin and my littlest wanted to go because he felt bad still. My thoughts were going around and around in my head. My worry made me feel like that washing machine felt, like it was stuck in a slow moving spin cycle, that I was going around and around, that I wasn't efficient, that I couldn't do my job well. This "spin cycle" I was in had me pressed against the walls with my eyes closed tight and praying for it to stop.
I just wanted some peace for one minute just to cast all this worry onto Him but He knows that. He already knew it! He knows how weak I am. He knows that I will turn to worry but He uses this weakness to draw me closer to Him. He wants to be my salvation. Isaiah 12:2 says that we are to trust and not be afraid. The Lord is our strength.
Just like all moms, we try to find peace in our chaos. We feel that we are constantly in chaos and that we have so much to worry about and it gets out of control. The faster our spin cycle spins, the more that is pressed out of us and sometimes it is just plain UGLY. As moms we would love to always spend time without worry in a peaceful place where we can enjoy our babies while they are little. It's just not going to happen that way unless we start really pressing into Him. If the chaos is overwhelming and the distractions just won't stop then we must know we have the power to summon His angels into our presence for help. He will send them. However, sometimes the spinning is necessary for a moment. It reminds us that we can't possibly do it all, that we need Him, and in order for Him to help, He has to press some things out of us to make room for Him.
As I pulled into our garage and my kids exited the car and as my husband was hearing me vent I realized I just needed some peace. I've become a little spoiled by spending time with our Father. It seems now that I've really started pressing the more I want to press. The more time I spend seeking His love and strength, the less I worry. I become frustrated with the chaos and become demanding for His peaceful presence. That's how it should be. When I spend time with Him he loves it and so when I came into the house I went into the laundry room. The clothes in the washer were exactly how I expected them this time and the dryer...the dryer; well, the dryer started right up and went right on back to work. Yep, it did!
I put my sick baby in the shower and down for a nap. The middle boy went to his room to play and the oldest went into his room, cranked up Toby Mac and got busy working in there and even unloaded the dishes when I told him too. As a result I have spent time writing, studying, journaling, and reflecting. Even for just a few minutes...I have pressed into Him. Now when husband gets home, I may even go for a nice long run...I've got some thanking to do.
Image on this post provided with permission from DaughterZionDesigns from Etsy.com and are available for purchase.
Last night just before going to bed I opened my Bible and it opened to a devotion called "Intimate Doubt". I fell asleep last night with the thought that "God doesn't call the equipped, He equips the called." The devotion was out of the book of Jeremiah and it pointed to the fact that even Jeremiah doubted His calling. He took that doubt to God and gave it to Him and God was okay with it. For the last month I have been doubting what He is calling me to do and consistently He puts scripture or devotions or words from others and even books that are screaming to me to WRITE! It's so hard to do that when your brain and mind and thoughts feel fuzzy. I ask "Why Me?" and "What about?" He pointed out something in my heart today that I believe!
See, I have a masters degree in Reading. Why Reading? It's simply, I love to read. I never have enough time to read and I believe that every human being deserves to have the ability to read. Reading is not just about words, it can be about symbols but ultimately it's about the CONNECTION!
Oh, my! While I write this something big is happening in my heart. CONNECTION! I took a test a few months ago online called Strength Finders. My number one strength was that I'm a connector, connectedness is my strength. It's not my only strength but it is was the one that I was found to be the strongest in. Here is what the Gallup Business Journal says about my strength.
Things happen for a reason. You are sure of it. You are sure of it because in your soul you know that we are all connected. Yes, we are individuals, responsible for our own judgments and in possession of our own free will, but nonetheless we are part of something larger. Some may call it the collective unconscious. Others may label it spirit or life force. But whatever your word of choice, you gain confidence from knowing that we are not isolated from one another or from the earth and the life on it. This feeling of Connectedness implies certain responsibilities. If we are all part of a larger picture, then we must not harm others because we will be harming ourselves. We must not exploit because we will be exploiting ourselves. Your awareness of these responsibilities creates your value system. You are considerate, caring, and accepting. Certain of the unity of humankind, you are a bridge builder for people of different cultures. Sensitive to the invisible hand, you can give others comfort that there is a purpose beyond our humdrum lives. The exact articles of your faith will depend on your upbringing and your culture, but your faith is strong. It sustains you and your close friends in the face of life's mysteries.
How then does God intend to use me as a writer. I have always believed I was a terrible writer...but friends tell me I'm good with the written word. I'd have to admit I'm much better with written than with spoken. I'm not a grammar nazi as some people call them. I just write and it may end up that I right. Or that their are so many mistakes in my righting that people have a hard time reading it. See. So I realize that there are gifts that people have beyond the written word and that would be to make sure everything is grammatically correct. I'm not bad at it but it's not my strength (wink). Instead what I am good at is seeing the connections.
Back to that...
When I was getting to my degree in Reading, one of the things that my beloved professor, Dr. Amber Prince, God rest her soul, said was, "The author is forever connected to the reader. Just as we are here and having this conversation, the author is able to convey thoughts and the reader is able to interpret them. The reader's response to the author is simply how the book effects the reader."
I'm going to stop fretting over WHY God wants me to write and just do it. Who knows what nonsense will come out of my finger tips? He does! I have a feeling that God will be directing them as well. I want to get lost in His thoughts because my thoughts are not His. I want the words that connect us, that come off my finger tips to be His.
1 Peter 5:7 was what our guest pastor preached on Sunday during service.
My sweet new friend over at DaughterZionDesigns had this beautiful print available. She's letting me borrow it. You should visit her shop. It's beautiful.
I saw this print and just KNEW it was connected to this lesson for me (and maybe you too). How else could it be more obvious? Casting your care, your anxiety, your fears, your burdens all on Him. He is the most capable. When you do then you can not take them back. So, I'm casting today.
I'm casting my intimate doubt!
What are you casting?
Come on...run with me a minute.
Thursday morning I woke up with a huge, heavy burden on my heart and all I wanted to do was run. When I run I escape for a little time, I clear my head, I release happy endorphin's, and I spend time learning lessons from God. As soon as my feet hit the pavement my eyes started welling up as my lips started muttering to God that I needed Him. I would dry my eyes quickly as I saw other runners coming my way and I'd just pull away from my feelings for a bit. Then after I trotted a little further I heard that small Voice say..."Top of the Hill". I just laughed to myself. Seriously? I'm supposed to go to the top of the hill? I can barely run on level ground much less up a hill. As I approached another road the Voice grew and grew until I could not deny it. "Top of the hill." it said over and over. So I reluctantly turned towards the hill, the highest in the park, but told myself I was not running up that big hill, I was walking it...and I did.
Along the way I talked to God about the burdens and all the chaos in my head. It became very windy where the road leveled out a bit, I paused, and then I kept climbing. All the while I was searching for Him and listening for the Voice. I got to the top of the hill and looked...nothing...except, there was a trail that went higher so I wasn't at the actual top of the hill, just stopped where the road stopped. So I took the trail taking note that it was unexpected and I didn't know where it led but I'd take it. I climbed until I reached the top and it was a grassy clearing. I went to the center of the clearing to listen and...nothing.
Ugh! I was getting frustrated. I was sure the Voice said to go to the top of the hill. I couldn't have been mistaken, there had to be something for me. I was so frustrated. About the time I decided to go back down I noticed another path. By the looks of it the path would take me back down the hill and it would probably end up at the road where I noticed earlier a path wound around and met the road I'd just come up on. So I thought, I'll go for it. Trail running is fun...I suppose.
As I start to head down, I noticed that the trail took a dip but then rose again and went up, way up. I couldn't have seen that before. I have to admit, I was starting to get uncomfortable with my place in the woods at this point. These woods have always felt a little creepy to me because I don't know them and when I finally, for SURE got to the top of the hill it really was creepy. There was a small opening in the woods and there were monuments on either side of the path. One was particularly tall and at the top was a stone civil war solider standing and looking off into the distance with no nose. He was almost the last straw for me, I wanted to turn and run back down the hill to "safety". Instead I stood still and looked around. I listened and prayed. I felt ...afraid. All sorts of terrible thoughts ran through my head, I could see the headlines now. "They found the woman in the woods and they spotted her by her neon yellow shoes. She had been hacked to bits by what we believe to be as a machete, there must be a murderer on the loose in these woods."
So, to calm my fears I sat down on a monument and put my back flat against it so I felt less exposed on all sides. I took a deep breath and prayed for God to show up. Seriously, I was finally at the top of the hill and this is how I felt? All of the sudden I felt something on my leg. I looked down. It was a tiny tick that I had picked up, a little hitchhiker. I plucked it off and tossed it away and realized that was my lesson. It was all so simple. The calmness I needed came over me and I felt the Voice rise up and say. "What is it you are afraid of? Your mind plays games and tricks on you. You are letting the evil one frighten you when I do not put a spirit of fear in you.".
I felt so safe at that point. I stood up and started walking back down the trail and back down the hill letting the Voice reveal to me the message. See, I was afraid of things that weren't real. I was afraid of things in my head instead of being still and finding peace with Him. Peace was found when I was still and allowed Him to point out and make me aware the real dangers. Once I saw what I was supposed to be aware of, that tiny little tick, I knew that all my other fears were false. That tiny little tick was dangerous. His little bite held poison that could ravage a body. It wasn't the fear of what might be that as dangerous but what I wasn't even aware of that was.
So, because I was still God calmed my fears and opened my eyes and senses to the real danger. That tiny little hitchhiker almost went unnoticed, I almost bolted with fear before ever knowing he was on me. I realize now that the things I'm afraid of are in my head. There are so many things that we worry about daily and don't deal with out of fear. Fear is keeping us from trusting Him and makes us want to bolt instead of be still. So, while the climb was hard and I didn't want to do it, there was a lesson at the top. If I had picked the easy road and not gone up the hill I might not have learned the lesson He wanted to teach me but instead I let the Voice guide me, teach me and grow my knowledge of His wonders.
When I sat down to write this out I opened my Bible and again it opened to the perfect scriptures. Proverbs 8. The whole thing...every word of Proverbs 8 was for me (and you) and this lesson He is teaching us. Here are the most powerful parts to me but I encourage you to open His Word and experience it as a whole.
Do not be afraid. Trust Him, be still, and pray for His wisdom.
From the Bible Gateway, NKJV Proverbs 8.
The Excellence of Wisdom8 Does not wisdom cry out,
And understanding lift up her voice?
2 She takes her stand on the top of the high hill,
Beside the way, where the paths meet.
3 She cries out by the gates, at the entry of the city,
At the entrance of the doors:
4 “To you, O men, I call,
And my voice is to the sons of men.
5 O you simple ones, understand prudence,
And you fools, be of an understanding heart.
6 Listen, for I will speak of excellent things,
And from the opening of my lips will come right things;7 For my mouth will speak truth;
Wickedness is an abomination to my lips.
8 All the words of my mouth are with righteousness;
Nothing crooked or perverse is in them.
9 They are all plain to him who understands,
And right to those who find knowledge.10 Receive my instruction, and not silver,
And knowledge rather than choice gold;
11 For wisdom is better than rubies,
And all the things one may desire cannot be compared with her.
32 “Now therefore, listen to me, my children,
For blessed are those who keep my ways.
33 Hear instruction and be wise,
And do not disdain it.
34 Blessed is the man who listens to me,
Watching daily at my gates,
Waiting at the posts of my doors.
Eve, oh Eve! You were so powerful and didn't even know it. Your words dripped from your mouth like honey and enticed your man to take a bite of sin. You Eve, have more power than you would ever know. 1000's of generations of women think of you and imagine your beauty, your simple beauty, as the first woman made by the hand of God. However Eve, your power has cursed the generations of women that came after you. We now raise our babies in a world of sin, try to love our husbands in a world of sin, we try to love our friends in a world of sing, all thanks to your. There is one thing we cannot do, we cannot look at you and say we would never do such a thing.
A while ago I spent some time with a few girl friends. It can get so raw when girls get together and talk about their marriages. We all have such deep issues that we are either dealing with or have dealt with. We are either in the midst of trails or have been through them. No one that is married is immune to that. We can be head over hills in love with our husbands or not. Sometimes we are in a place where we want to get as far from them as we can for awhile or we want to run right into their arms. What I have found is that every marriage, every single one, requires work.
What I think we sometimes miss is our power as women. We have the power in us to change our marriage for the better every single day. We have the power in us and sometimes we don't even realize it. I found myself telling a friend over and over that she was powerful, one of the most powerful girls I know. She didn't believe me. I have seen her influence women, bring tears to their eyes with hope, she's talked strength into me and into others but she didn't see herself as the pillar of strength that she is.
Holy Spirit Power...
What we can do is usher our families to the throne of Christ Jesus with the singing of our voices, with our daily love, we can offer up our bodies as worship, and we can change the face of our nation with love. As mothers, sisters, and daughters we are the gatekeepers of of our faith. We are taught that our husbands are the spiritual leaders of our homes, that is true. However, with the Holy Spirit a woman has the power to usher in generations to God.
I am a momma to 5 beautiful souls, birth mom to my 3 boys, adoptive mom to 2 sweet babies, wife to my high school sweet heart, and daughter to my King. I love to write. I am no scholar but I love my Lord and He helps me.