We all have them. We all wake up some mornings and just love our life and then as the day goes on it seems like our day falls completely apart. Before the day is even over you are full of questions and worry. Today, I loaded my boys up into the swagger wagon along with my nephews and drove the 12 miles to our church for VACATION BIBLE EXTREME (when I type it I hear an announcer like from WWF in my head, sorry). Our church VBX is always amazing and the kids LOVE going but this week I've had some slightly sick little boys on my hands. This morning, I thought they were all better as I drove to the church. When I pulled up my littlest Little said, "I don't feel so good." So, I dropped off the other Little's and headed back home with a little sickie. He asked for Sprite, chicken noodle soup, and I suggested a movie. It sounded like the perfect morning with my baby minus that he felt bad.
I popped in a movie, fixed a cup of Sprite, made chicken noodle, loaded my dishwasher, ran some clothes, sorted laundry, baked a chocolate lava cake (FOR REAL), and cooked some grilled chicken. I then sat down with him to watch movie number two when it happened...I went to check on my laundry that was supposed to have just finished washing and it was wet, heavy and wet. That couldn't be right. I was sure that it was supposed to be not so heavy and wet before going into the dryer. I loaded another load and realized something was off. It was washing before it filled with water. I messed around with it awhile until I thought maybe it would work, then my dryer started making a funny noise, loud and scary. I opened the door, it seemed to be working but when I went to start it, buzz, buzz, buzz and then nothing. The starter went kaput. I felt so defeated. Defeated seems to be a popular word in my vocabulary lately.
Okay, here's the kicker. I decided I need to run an errand before picking up my oldest from church. So, we left...defeated and all. I picked up Cooper and my husband called so I told him about my defeat. On the way home I started feeling just disgusted. We've been paying off debt, swearing off credit cards, and doing everything we know to do, that we've been taught to do by Dave Ramsey. I'm not sure that our emergency fund has been replenished...so I started worrying about that. If I can't dry clothes I will need a new dryer...I worried about that. What if the washer needs work because it won't spin the water out of our clothes...I worried about that. My business is slow this month...I worried about that. My husband called again..I gave him an ear full when he asked me if I had gotten everything done...I worried about that. Do you ever feel like your worry is pressing in on your chest so that it's hard to breathe and it's making your eyes cross? YES! That's how I felt on the drive back home as my oldest son told me he needed to go to the doctor because of a bump on his shin and my littlest wanted to go because he felt bad still. My thoughts were going around and around in my head. My worry made me feel like that washing machine felt, like it was stuck in a slow moving spin cycle, that I was going around and around, that I wasn't efficient, that I couldn't do my job well. This "spin cycle" I was in had me pressed against the walls with my eyes closed tight and praying for it to stop.
I just wanted some peace for one minute just to cast all this worry onto Him but He knows that. He already knew it! He knows how weak I am. He knows that I will turn to worry but He uses this weakness to draw me closer to Him. He wants to be my salvation. Isaiah 12:2 says that we are to trust and not be afraid. The Lord is our strength.
Just like all moms, we try to find peace in our chaos. We feel that we are constantly in chaos and that we have so much to worry about and it gets out of control. The faster our spin cycle spins, the more that is pressed out of us and sometimes it is just plain UGLY. As moms we would love to always spend time without worry in a peaceful place where we can enjoy our babies while they are little. It's just not going to happen that way unless we start really pressing into Him. If the chaos is overwhelming and the distractions just won't stop then we must know we have the power to summon His angels into our presence for help. He will send them. However, sometimes the spinning is necessary for a moment. It reminds us that we can't possibly do it all, that we need Him, and in order for Him to help, He has to press some things out of us to make room for Him.
As I pulled into our garage and my kids exited the car and as my husband was hearing me vent I realized I just needed some peace. I've become a little spoiled by spending time with our Father. It seems now that I've really started pressing the more I want to press. The more time I spend seeking His love and strength, the less I worry. I become frustrated with the chaos and become demanding for His peaceful presence. That's how it should be. When I spend time with Him he loves it and so when I came into the house I went into the laundry room. The clothes in the washer were exactly how I expected them this time and the dryer...the dryer; well, the dryer started right up and went right on back to work. Yep, it did!
I put my sick baby in the shower and down for a nap. The middle boy went to his room to play and the oldest went into his room, cranked up Toby Mac and got busy working in there and even unloaded the dishes when I told him too. As a result I have spent time writing, studying, journaling, and reflecting. Even for just a few minutes...I have pressed into Him. Now when husband gets home, I may even go for a nice long run...I've got some thanking to do.
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I am a momma to 5 beautiful souls, birth mom to my 3 boys, adoptive mom to 2 sweet babies, wife to my high school sweet heart, and daughter to my King. I love to write. I am no scholar but I love my Lord and He helps me.