So many little things have been coming together lately and making me question my own purpose. Do you ever find yourself wondering if your purpose in this life is bigger than what you currently see in front of you? We have lived so much of our lives as women and mothers; and we have to believe that all we've been through and all we are going through has a purpose beyond our own little lives. Advice we give from our own experience or a word of encourage to another because we've been there may give purpose to some of the things we've been through. Do you ever feel you have a higher calling as a mother, wife, sister, daughter, woman?
We dream about being something more, don't we? We know that God has meant us for more than what feels like our small existence. We may be meant to lead the women in a Bible study, to bring encouragement through our writing, to help educate others on healthy practices, or maybe we are to usher thousands of other women in to God's kingdom work like the obedient servant we are at heart.
I dreamed last night that I was traveling and things were hectic, I was always trying to touch base and locate my children while on the road and ultimately I dreamed I was on stage, speaking, to thousands of women. I felt inadequate and unprepared but somehow all I needed to say, all they need to hear, just poured out of me. I was once told that one of my qualities is that of being able to cast vision, to help people see into the "what if". What if we ate cleaner, what if we prayed more, what if I had the money in our account, what if, what if, what if? Vision is absolutely essential for moving people forward into their "what if" future reality. However, we have a God that is right here, right now, in our present.
I took my two little ones to the duck pond today at my old college stomping grounds. We parked at the bottom of the hill from where my husband and I exchanged vows. I zipped up rain coats and we walked over to see what the ducks, swans, and geese were doing. To these little people this was a completely new experience with lots of "what if.'s". I knew all the answers to their "what if's" already. What if we hold our hands out with duck food? What if we chase that goose? What if we stand real still next to the swan? What if we try to go near the goslings? I knew the answers they were about to experiences.
As we were leaving, I started reflecting on a professor that I had when I was working on my Masters degree. I wanted to know everything she knew. I had her for the majority of my classes because my major was specific and she was the professor that had launched the program I was in. Not only did I want to learn everything she had to teach, but this time I had a college professor that was dedicated to making sure I "got it". She WANTED me to learn everything she could teach me. I was no longer trying to survive college and make it through but I had a professor that wanted me to know everything.
I became a little emotional thinking about her because, a year from my graduation she suddenly became sick and passed away. I never got to learn everything she wanted to teach me. She even said to me before passing "I often wonder if I did enough." We all reassured her she had done so much. She gave me a beloved book right off her bookshelf in her office and I will forever treasure it. Ultimately, when it was all said and done, I became a teacher.
I taught 2 years after graduating and came back home to my children. So much, happened after that, we became a foster family, we adopted, we sold our home of 16 years, we moved, and we are building our dream home. It's sort of a little girl lost kind of feeling though. What are my next steps. The little's will be starting school soon and here I'll be again, home alone, pressing into God and asking Him to show me my bigger purpose. He's put such huge dreams in my heart that I don't know if I'll ever be able to see them through. I guess that's what you'd call vision. I have not lost the drive and desire to teach, just my audience has changed. Just like my professor wanted me to learn everything she had learned and was as hungry to teach me; I now have the deep, deep desire to share with others all that I have learned from His Word and from life.
Today, when the babes were napping and the rain was pitter patting on the roof, I prayed about purpose. I prayed about direction. You know what God told me... Do it for Him? Whatever He gives me to do, do it for Him? Ephesians 3: 8&9 were the verses He gave me and I want you to catch this.
Although I am less than the least of all the Lord’s people, this grace was given me: to preach to the Gentiles the boundless riches of Christ, 9 and to make plain to everyone the administration of this mystery, which for ages past was kept hidden in God, who created all things.
While I don't feel a calling to "preach" as much as "teach" there is an element of preaching that does come out, I suppose. My desire is to be able to share all that God has done for my family and I because of His grace, because of Christ. I want to experience His mystery in such a way that I have no other choice than to preach it. After, reading some commentary on these verses, it is so very clear to me that God is calling me to do more for Him. To teach, to preach, to participate in the usher of armies of women to His throne so that He can use them for their Higher calling.
I have work to do my friends. I hope that you can take this experience and apply it to your own life today. Pray that God give you the direction you are looking for, pray He give you vision. Open His Holy Word for guidance and pray for understanding. Finally, join me in believing we have the same power that rose our Savior from the grave in us, so that we can help raise others.